You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
