I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
