You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
