Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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