I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
