That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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