so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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