My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
