Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
