Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize