it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
