Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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