I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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