I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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