theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
