also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
