You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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