Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
