The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
