using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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