pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
