and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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