I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
