Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
