Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize