I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
