made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
