I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
