I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i out mim tonsoeep
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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