New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
