How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
