You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
