I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Congratulations! We have a period
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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