If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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