I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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