i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
