I wanna bring you to show and tell
Please, let me fuck your mom
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
