she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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