Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize