Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
