I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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