Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
