i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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