I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
