Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize