I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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