in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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