11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
