good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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