I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
