waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
NoShamevember. You game?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
