Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
