My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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