I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
