someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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