Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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