What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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