So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
