do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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