my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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