just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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