and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We had to coat check the pizza.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
