I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
