i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize