he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
