I'm going to jail i love you
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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