So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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