I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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