Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
