Got a toothbrush?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
