So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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