Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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