TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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