she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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