Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Even my vagina gasped.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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