I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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