I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize