Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
