Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
