Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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