I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
