I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize