...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
