In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
