I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
