if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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